Marni's World

The Occupy Wall Street protest movement is upon us as Portland, Oregon, joined the ranks several weeks ago with other cities across the United States. The movement is designed as a protest against the unfair distribution of wealth in this country. When I first heard about the protests in New York, I was excited and supportive. I felt like finally people were outraged enough to say something about the financial crisis and its impact on our economy and our lives. Now that the movement is several months old and seemingly growing, I can’t help but question what effect it is having in changing the status quo.

In Portland, there has been a fairly positive response to the protests. The camp that has been set up downtown seems to be organized and civil with a few arrests here and there but nothing major thus far. The camp seems to have spawned a communal sense of living and acting. I personally haven’t been through the camp (walking by doesn’t count). As I am writing this, I am wondering, “Why haven’t I been through the camp?” “Why haven’t I taken part in the protests?” I am frustrated and angry at how things are in this country and I want my voice to be heard. There have been so many examples lately of countries protesting and sparking real change that I wonder why I am so reticent to join in the “Occupy” movement. Perhaps it is uncertainty or the fact that I am so busy juggling several jobs, but I want to be involved in some way and yet cannot bring myself to participate.

I spoke with a friend recently on this very issue, a desire to act and yet not acting. We tried to understand why we hadn’t done anything ourselves to take part in the protests. Maybe it is because we are scared or uncertain or too caught up in our lives, but we agreed that there seems to be something holding us back. I am not sure what it is, but the old saying, nothing ventured, nothing gained, could not be more appropriate for this situation. 

Perhaps getting out of my comfort zone and seeing what is happening for myself will inspire me to respond to my frustrations in a new and focused way. Perhaps it will simply reinforce my skepticism. I know that I want change and it seems like the time to act is now.

Recently, I have had to comfort a friend who is experiencing the worst kind of heartbreak. Having one’s heart broken is the worst pain. Those of us that have gone through it know it can take ages to recover from having your heart broken. While my attention has been focused on my friend and comforting her, I can’t help but think about the man who has broken her heart. He is also a friend, and now I find myself asking, “How do you forgive the unforgiveable?”

When someone does something so hideous, so awful and you have previously given them the benefit of the doubt and they repeatedly mess up, how do you keep giving them allowances? Is it possible that it is as simple as the passage of time, or are there some things that are just unforgiveable? 

Now I know that there are some huge underlying issues that are not being addressed here and for that I want to be understanding, but when your actions destroy those around you that love you most, I just have a hard time being compassionate.  I know people make mistakes and need guidance but how many times can you keep making the same mistakes and not take some serious stock in your life?

I am being intentionally vague about the specifics because these are real people who deserve their privacy. I will say that the situation is very disturbing and screams for the need for real, professional help. 

It would be easy to just hate this person and wish him harm, but that is not me. I am understanding and I am very forgiving. That is why I am so conflicted and broken up about this: it just doesn’t make any sense to me. I want to magically make things better for my friend and take all of her pain away, but that is impossible. I just hope that for the sake of everyone involved, clarity is reached and that the healing can begin sooner rather than later.

This weekend I went to my one and only wedding of the summer. It was a beautiful wedding and it felt like a very real and personal celebration of these two people and the life that they are creating together. I had a blast and was genuinely happy to be a part of their celebration the entire day.

In addition to teaching, I have worked on and off as a caterer for many years and as a caterer, I have worked my fair share of weddings. Every time I cater a wedding, I am always struck by how horribly formulaic and impersonal weddings tend to feel. You hear the same songs, the same speeches; you see the same dresses, etc. The sad thing is I know that people spent a fortune on what is supposed to be their special day and as an outside observer it is anything but special. Now I guess perhaps I refute my point right there. I am an outside observer and I don’t know the people. As someone who has seen many weddings though, it is as if everyone bought a Wedding for Dummies manual and followed it to the letter.

Do I sound bitter? I’m really not but I am perplexed at why people spend so much money on weddings when the divorce rates are so high in the US! I have heard stories of brides who are offered large sums of money that they can either spend on their wedding or on a down payment for a house and they always choose the wedding. Why? A wedding is one day, one day of your life, but a house, a home is forever. 

Have I always been such a pragmatist? No. I am speaking from experience.  The truth is I was married once and I had a very beautiful and very expensive wedding. It was a great day and it felt personal and meaningful and the marriage lasted… two years. So I guess my point is…

1. Make sure you really want to marry the person you are marrying. 

2. If you do want to marry that person, make the wedding meaningful. Think about what is important to you and make sure your wedding reflects you, not the desires of others.

3. Don’t spend a fortune. Remember, it is one day of your life! And if offered large sums of money to use on either a wedding or a down payment for a house… just remember the Vegas motto. "The house always wins!"